Choosing the Find

 At the suggestion of a friend a few weeks ago, I started searching for online video clips by a humorist he knows personally.  Inquiring about her name, when I heard, "Jeanne Robertson, Jeanne Swanner Robertson," it triggered a distant memory.  Was she Miss North Carolina some years back?

As it turns out, yes, this delightful woman was crowned Miss North Carolina the same year I graduated from high school and started college.  Why did I remember Jeanne Flinn Swanner, when I could name only one other North Carolina pageant winner in all these years?  Two things came to mind - her height and her humility.  I recalled that she was attractive and talented but not the typical beauty queen mold.  Seemingly unimpressed with herself, while easily engaging with others, it was no surprise that she came out of the Miss America Pageant as Miss Congeniality.

Her "flat-out funny" presentations on YouTube and through her website have provided laugh-out-loud entertainment for me and clearly also for a host of others, as demonstrated by audiences in her live performances and the number of hits on her video posts.  Amidst the humorous anecdotes from her own lived experience, the primary takeaway from Jeanne's speeches is that humor is all around and if we look for it, we'll find it.  Her antenna is always scanning the airwaves for laughable tidbits, which she spins marvelously into material for her speaking engagements.

There's a key underlying element in the way Jeanne Robertson delivers humor.  She is careful not to diminish or hurt anyone.  The perceived object of her hilarious stories could be any one of us, and imagining ourselves in that spot does not make us feel less than or put down.  I suspect this is the same respectful spirit that appealed to those who named her Miss Congeniality in 1963.  Humility and harmless humor seem to go together.

Along with enjoyment of Jeanne's humor, I have appreciated the reminder that we usually do find what we look for, period.  Often I find myself going for the deeper angle, not so much what's floating on the airwaves as what may be hiding under the table.  There's usually something going on behind the scenes, and often it holds some piece of wisdom that can be universally applied.

From this humorist and the way she goes about her work, my deeper takeaway is that the attitude from which we begin our search matters also in what we find.  We can start from any perspective and go in any direction.  We may look out from a critical eye that helps by assessing and refining certain situations or that hurts by finding fault and judging certain people.  We may lean more toward acceptance and find a way of framing every circumstance in a positive way.  We can start from a place of congeniality or hostility or somewhere in between.  We have options.

The filter that Jeanne Robertson applies to her humorous presentations is a model, it seems, for what to say or do in any moment, whether directed at a situation or a person:  Will this hurt anyone?  Many things are beyond our control, but we do get to choose what we intend - and to a great degree, what we find.

Milestone Moments

 This has been a year of milestones for our grandchildren.  On Friday evening, we celebrated our second granddaughter's 16th birthday.  Earlier this month her sister turned 12, and last month their cousin, our oldest granddaughter, moved on up to 21 with all the accompanying privileges and responsibilities.  Continuing the track backward through the year, January marked 24 trips around the sun for our grandson.  Even though this may not be considered one of the pivotal years, his birthday is always a milestone for the family as he leads the way for this delightful generation, reminding us also of our own passing years.

What do we do with these milestone moments, not just birthdays?  For one thing, they invite some kind of ritual and celebration.  Pausing for intentional observance helps us to take stock of the blessing of the event and, with a birthday, the person it represents.  We dare not keep rolling along mindlessly without giving periodic and deliberate attention to the people and events that impact our lives.

Celebration inevitably brings history into play.  With our grandchildren, I recall the day of their birth:  the deep gratitude, the utter amazement, the amusing and not so amusing aspects of their entry into the world, the joyous mystery of gazing into their eyes for the first time.  Reflecting on the stepping stones of their continuing journey into life and the wonder of their discovering who they are and what they enjoy leads right into the present moment and the richness they bring to me and to our family and the world.

Looking ahead from the present calls forth hope and, honestly, a little anxiety.  Even as we believe we can trust the future to unfold in a grace-filled way, our humanity reminds us that we are not in control or in the know.  However, we can stand at the current milepost and be grateful for the travel to that point and know that what has been is preparation for what will be.

So ... as Scarlett takes on the privilege of unsupervised driving, Elsa crosses over from being a young child and Catherine into being a full-fledged adult, and Harris continues to evolve personally and professionally, I am not only hopeful but also optimistic about their readiness to move beyond the milestone and around the sun and through each day toward the next one.  The celebration of who they are continues!

An Irene Toothpick Moment

 "I can find meaning in a toothpick," I've said to my daughters.

"Yes, we've noticed!"

With three older brothers and mostly adults around in my childhood, I'm pretty sure I spent a lot of time in early years observing and discovering more than speaking.  I might have picked up on a few tidbits of clarity here and there and developed a pattern for trying to figure things out.  Who knows?

I'm not sure when that may have transitioned to finding my voice - or if I've really found MY voice now.  I'm not going to try to figure that one out, but I do know that snagging a nugget of meaning and finding a way to express it have somehow evolved for me.

Searching for a little morsel of wisdom in the midst of whatever circumstance can be beneficial.  It can also become a bit maddening.  I am remembering such a situation.

Several years ago when Hurricane Irene made her trek through this area, she left only one piece of notable damage at my home.  From across Highway 58, a tall pine tree on Harriet and Syd's property was uprooted and the top part - with branches and needles and cones - was planted smack on my mailbox.

The road and driveway were quickly cleared and made passable, but my mailbox was left beyond repair.  The ground around it was a squishy and ragged conifer carpet.  We could have made wreaths for the neighborhood if it had been December.

On the morning after the storm, I recall pulling out of my driveway and wondering what all that mess meant, besides a clean-up job that would take a while and a sense of deep gratitude that the only casualty was easily replaceable.  So the pondering mind got right on it, figuring it out. ... The only damage was to my mailbox:  Was there a problem with my communication?   Was there a note I needed to write?  Had I been paying attention to every piece of mail? ... The tree came from my neighbor's property:  Was there an issue with the neighbor?  Had I forgotten something or offended someone? ... The clean-up was going to take some time and energy:  Did I need to step up my exercise routine?  Was there something I needed to see underneath all that clutter?  On it went. ....

In the less-than-two-mile strip before the intersection with Highway 158, my mind had circled the wagons several times on this mishap that involved my little old mailbox.  Abruptly I called myself out - out loud, "Hold on!  Do you have to find meaning in EVERYTHING!  TAKE A BREAK!  The storm blew down a tree.  It landed on your mailbox.  That's it!"  I took a deep breath and laughed, thankful for this interruption to my madness.

But wait!  What's the meaning here?  Who knows if there is any?  Perhaps it has to do with presence to the moment.  Maybe we can be attentive and open for a hint of wisdom without becoming compulsive and missing the sheer gift of being alive in the moment.  I'm naming that an "Irene Toothpick Moment" of intention.  (Speaking of which, we could have made a lot of toothpicks from that pine tree!)

Going forward, when I sense myself getting carried away to the extreme with finding meaning, perhaps I can call myself out with, "Irene Toothpick!"  and shift to a lighter train of thought!

People Moments

My grandchildren seem to feel a little bit cheated, disappointed for sure, if they come to Warrenton for a visit and do not catch at least a glimpse of my friend Elaine during their time here.  It's understandable!  E is engaging.  She pays attention to them.  She's fun!  They have come to refer to her as my "crazy friend."

This girlfriend is anything but crazy in the "out-of-one's-mind" sense.  Her mind is quick and bright and she has a knack for connecting with another's mind.  While my grandkids have never lived here, they have had enough contact on periodic visits to expect a warm hello and some entertaining banter anytime they meet E.  She has never disappointed, except when she does not appear.  Her sense of humor helps with my grandchildren, but her wittiness is not the sum of her appeal.

Sometimes people more than circumstance provide the defining element for our moments.  Experience gives us a pretty clear picture of what we may expect with certain people.  No doubt, from time to time we have charted our path to avoid some folks, and at times we have dashed across a room because we did not want to miss a minute with some others.

Admittedly, sometimes the motivating force for or against contact is within ourselves, but not always.  We enjoy people who are warm and engaging and we are more likely to return the same to them.  It brings out the best of both parties.  With or without joking and laughing, we can offer the best version of ourselves in our moments of connection; and we do well to remember that our best selves are about more than ourselves.

Perhaps we can give some thought to the quality of the "people moments" others may experience when in our presence.  Wouldn't we all like to think someone feels cheated by missing a chance for time with us?

Balancing Moments

A social gathering I attended yesterday evening reminded me, for one thing, of our need for balance.  Whether the hostess was motivated to invite a menagerie of friends and acquaintances for this fun time by her recent diagnosis of an unwelcome illness, I cannot say.  I can say that, by its very nature, the diagnosis has likely stolen some of Susan's emotional energy and that the prescribed treatment will perhaps take more, along with some physical energy, for a while.  As I reflect on the timing of yesterday's enlivening get-together, it seems just right, not only for Susan but also for her friends.

One of my primary takeaways from a recent reading of Robert A. Johnson's Owning Your Own Shadow, is the wisdom - the need, in fact - to keep the seesaw that is our life in balance.  I am able to imagine Susan standing at her fulcrum with one foot planted firmly in the certain and supportive community of friends and the other situated in the uncertainty of a journey she makes alone.  She may have had an inherent knowing of the need for this balance.

While the primary focus of Johnson's book is the need to acknowledge and include the shadow part of our psyche that we keep mostly hidden with the part of ourselves that we see and show to the world, he notes again and again that this integration of extremes applies to all things - and this  holding of two seeming opposites at the same time is possible.  If we go too far in one direction and lose sight of the other, we can "fall off the deep end," as we sometimes say.  We need balance:  time with folks and time alone; bursts of activity and pauses for stillness; serious business and frivolous play; roots and wings.  The list goes on.

The essence of life is built upon this principle, it seems:  light and dark, birth and death, sleep and awakeness ....  Who are we to think we can defy nature and work all the time or play all the time or do anything all the time - and continue to be healthy in all aspects of health?

When we are experiencing a high or a low, we would be wise to weave intentionally into our schedule some way of providing balance.  When we cannot do this for ourselves, perhaps those who care about us can do it for us.  It's a seemingly small matter, but it matters.  Whether the desire for yesterday's gathering was inherent or intentional, that time with friends helped to keep the seesaw in balance and will, no doubt, take its energy and support into the days ahead.

Listening Moments

Several years ago when our oldest grandchildren, Harris and Catherine, were about seven and four years old, I was privy to an entertaining conversation between them in the backseat of my car.  I had just picked them up for a few days' visit and our first stop had been the roller skating rink in a nearby town, where we met two young cousins for some reunion and fun.  

 After a couple of hours of zipping and gliding and tumbling around the floor, I was relieved to get out of there with no broken bones and also eager to  head home and settle in for their visit.  On the way out of the skating establishment, I bought their choice of freeze-pop, thinking this would cool them down and "occupy" them for the ride home.  Harris chose red and Catherine green for their little icy treats.

Barely buckled into their seats and with freeze-pops in hand, they immediately started a conversation that went something like the following.  I adjusted the rear view mirror to enable a periodic glance at their body language.

H:  (slurping) Mine's strawberry!  Catherine, what's yours?

C:  (in her most delicate princess voice) Mine's keee-wee! 

H:  Ooh, kiwi!  I've never had kiwi!  Can I have a taste?

C: (firmly) No.

H:  Aw, come on, Catherine!  Just a taste!

C:  No, Harris.

H:  I'll give you a taste of mine!

C:  No, Harris.  It has my germs!

H:  (mouth open in disbelief) What!  What about the other night when you wanted some of my drink?  Germs didn't matter then!  Just let me have one little taste, Catherine!

C:  No.

H: (after a brief interval) Catherine, I just want to see what it tastes like before you finish it.  Come on.

C:  Harris, the germs - I told you it has my germs!

H:  Catherine!  We are brother and sister!  We have the same germs!

That's where I burst out laughing and silently congratulated myself on letting the conversation flow without interrupting or trying to mediate.  Catherine remained firm in her refusal to let Harris taste her green-colored and supposedly kiwi-flavored ice that was, if anything, lime - but more likely tinted sugar water.  For my part, there had been no desire or intention to intervene, as long as they respected each other's space and stance, which they did.  Their interaction was confined to conversation.  My role was confined to listening - and being entertained.

In the years since, our younger grandchildren, Scarlett and Elsa, (who may have similar germs) have asked for a re-telling of this incident over and over again.  If I had done anything more than listen to the freeze-pop conversation, there would have been no story to tell.

Do-over Moments

A recent facelift to parts of my home started with intention to patch a few cracks that had appeared in a vaulted ceiling over the past 13 years since construction.  Patching led to painting not just the ceiling but the entire room - plus one, two, three, four, five, six, seven other areas, not all major but nevertheless separate rooms and hallways and porch.  Only after the project was finished did I realize how much I must have inherently wanted these changes.  The refreshed space was and continues to be enlivening.

The height of the ceiling dictated the need for scaffolding, which dictated the need for clearing out the room - walls and floor.  It was unsettling to dismantle everything, even a bit frightening with all that high crisscrossing metal in my living area.  Since it was necessary to do the work, I tried to cooperate.

It's not too unusual that a project such as this would drive my attention inward to the living space of my soul.  Reminded that we are never done and that openness to renewal in that deep space is to be desired, a poetic prayer evolved.  While I may not understand completely that for which I pray, I do understand that it could be unsettling and that one change could lead to another.  I am convinced that it is what I inherently desire and that it holds promise of enriched and enriching life.  Hopefully, I can be cooperative with the Interior Designer. 

Interior Design

Stripped bare and swept clean - my soul.                                                                                            Decor removed, cracks and crevices filled.

 O Divine Designer,                                                                                                                            Within the sanctuary of my soul                                                                                                            tint my walls with your beauty;                                                                                                    permeate my space with your light;                                                                                                 furnish me throughout with trappings                                                                                                       of your love and truth.                                                                                                                               

Be at home.                                                                                                                                            Live and thrive                                                                                                                                         in my soul.                                  

Recovering the Moment

When my friend said casually but also seriously a couple of days ago, "I'm thinking about starting a blog," it served to unearth for me an almost forgotten nugget.  Excited for what Candy's blog might bring forth, I was also somehow intrigued to re-visit my own.  Amazingly, I did remember the name of this blog for which the most recent post was October 2012.  Almost nine years ago.

To explain the gap of time and neglect of posting would take more expertise and exploration than my mind can fathom.  I will not even try.  Suffice it to say that I am grateful to be reminded of this platform for inviting my attention and expression.  I am as convinced today as then that the heart of each moment is worth catching, that it is real and precious.

So let's return to the moment which motivated my return to blogging.  With three friends, I was sitting outside a downtown cafe, enjoying light conversation, watching Tuesday morning Main Street activity, and sipping iced tea.  It was an ordinary moment but also a graced moment.

There's the clincher.  Ordinary, yet graced.  All too often, we step over the ordinary while peering straight ahead in search of the spectacular.  The moment was graced merely by the joy of gathering with friends in the beauty of the outdoors in our much loved small town.  

The identifying heartbeat thumped amidst the enjoyment of time with familiar folks in a familiar place and through attention to these.  That I was taken almost immediately to my own personal interest with Candy's comment did not diminish my enthusiasm for hers.  It made me grateful that the stream of her desire had re-tapped my own.  

For me, the heart of this moment is named "connection," and the connection is rooted first of all in the friendships and in the care that sustains the friendships.   There's no explaining where it all begins and no envisioning where it may lead.

It leads me now to recovering the moment that birthed this blog in 2012.  It energizes me for sharpening my antenna to catch signals for the real and precious heart of any moment - and occasionally to take time to reflect and express.  It affirms my gratitude for connections.